Big poem blog

On the one hand, I have a strong urge to refrain from posting these writings and save myself from unnecessary embarrassment... Yet at the same time I reject the notion of censoring one's own thoughts, since they are true thoughts, and shouldn't we be constantly striving to understand truth and reality?
There are so many layers of pretense and self-deception within one's own mind, it is almost disgusting.
I wish I could remove even one layer per year, that is part of the reason I am anti-self-censorship!  We should face our own inner stupidity and embarrassment with courage--only then can we work towards improving ourselves! (I'm not sure if this is true at all)
To be honest, I just read an interview with John Maus and I think that is what prompted me to write this. I was impressed with John Maus' self-doubt and honesty and frankness. I thought to myself, "I understand this John Maus and I think he is a transcendental man--yes, transcendental is the best word I can think of--and I think what makes him so inspirational to me is his level of honesty with himself and his level of mindfulness about the world he lives in. I chose the word 'transcendental' because I think it captures the feeling I have that John Maus is taking a step outside the ordinary experience of life to observe himself and the world from a more objective vantage. And perhaps there is some arrogance in all of this, but I felt such a connection with John Maus as I read about him, as if he were saying things that I've felt but never really had a reason
(or maybe even the ability) to express."
It's so easy to ignore our own inner motivations, but if we quietly and carefully observe ourselves we can understand them. I know I have often been disgusted with myself after discovering some deep and selfish motivation for something I've said or done. Upon analyzing such a motivation I'll often conclude that it is primal and instinctual in nature, intrinsic to our being and efficiently designed to ensure survival and ruthless propagation of the human species. Yet I think we have the ability to control nature.
I suppose the principled person is always add odds with himself, feeling a constant discord between the selfish, primitive commands of nature and the nobler designs of the civilized mind. "This is all boring nonsense, of course".